Is teaching for me?

Been feeling lost ever since I stepped into the education service.. Now and then, feelings of pessimism will wrapped me up, sometimes so tightly that I can't breathe. There is no particular reason that I can pinned down to. And this is what scares me so much.. I fear that I can't teach well, can't interact well with my colleagues, can't meet the school's expectations but nothing beats my worst fear; QUITTING. I really love my job but only one aspect: my children. Nothing is as fulfilling as seeing an unhappy child smiling at my goofy jokes, seeing an unmotivated child finally working for a goal after my incessant nagging... The link to a child, that reach to a child's heart is as close to heaven. But Im so afraid I will lose this passion, this battle to my fears.
I wished someone would understand, someone would look beyond the mask I wear everyday to work and tell me how I should "go". I really envy those colleagues who are so happy and contented in their jobs. I wish I coud find my contentment soon.. I really hope so..

Being forthright..

This post is inspired by a course that I just attended. I didn't know there was a structure to proper "blogging". haha..everytime I am just blindly venting my opinions and raging emotions.

Well, obviously the rumours haven't quite come to an end. But Im glad I wasn't ostracised (right spelling?) in the end. One painful journey and many precious lessons. I wished I could change their perceptions but how can it be possible? To beat the grapevine? Nah..that would be harder than climbing Mt. Everest.

One lesson that I learnt was of course my frank and "loud" character. Am I too frank to the extent of being blunt? Have I come across as Miss arrogance? I really wished I could shout all these questions to get an honest reply from all these colleagues of mine. But who dare or will tell me the truth? I wished I was less frank too. But I just can't help it at times.. This is ME. I don't know how to change or will this change be noticed by these colleagues? But if I don't, I may continue step on other people's toes and that is definitely the last thing that I want.

I'm trying not to let all these comments to "hurt" me but really, colleagues relations are really problematic and important. Although they aren't important in my life, I see them more than my own parents. Goodness Gracious me! How does that sounds? Work is so much in my life that it is creeping slowly into dominating my whole life!! TIme for a change!

Wedding Countdown!!

My Big day is finally coming!! How I wish I have an extra extra extra large loud hailer to announce to the whole wide world! I feel like the most lucky and loved gal in the world!! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

oK, I know I sound crazy but I really want to share my joy with everyone in this globe!! Today is GUO DA LI and though I still need to work b4 I could rush home, I still can't contain my excitment... heehee.. Everyone is coming to congratualate me!!

Knowing Himself is definitely the best cupid arrow ever shoot to me, the best opportunity in my life. It's like God made Himself for me.. Keke.. Never in my life I've felt so loved, fulfilled and blissful. I feel that nothing could harm me, hurt me anymore with Himself.. Yes, definitely my knight in shining amour.. Haha..

I'm going to sleep tonight with a goofy, contented smile.. YEs, envy me for I am indeed the luckiest woman in the whole world!!

My Pensieve time...

It's time to whish out my tots again...I shall start w my all-time student 1st..Yes, today he didn't take his medicine again.. But its much worse as he was very cruel to his fellow classmate..It definitely put me off coz it reflects a very ugly side of him.. n somemore he goes to church regularly! God knows what he has been learning there..it really amazes me how selfish, spoilt, stubborn he can be just to seek for attention, fun and power.. I've been cracking my head how to "help" him to know this BIG BIG problem when he is an adult but till date, I have really no idea..
I think the only way is to let him go through the hard ways and learn..

On the other hand, dayz with 6-05 is getting better and more exciting each day. Our rapport is getting good.. Really happy to see them smiling each time..

^^P6-05^^
Yesterday's ordeal is over...WHew! If any of 6-05 pple is reading, THANK YOU VERY MUCH..
I am both surprised and happy of how the whole lesson turned out...

On a more private note, this class will eventually shaped my teaching perceptions, expectations and desires for the coming T dayz.. I don't teach them most of the time but that 3 periods per week has a great impact on me. Hence I became a firm believer in not how much times im with the kidz but rather how i teach and do as a T.

Lesson Observation..OOPS!

Today is the day to declare me as a nervous wreck.. Can't sleep the whole night, kept thinking the best way to keep Mr. DT occupied so that he won't wreck my lesson ob.. SIGH... But I know Im going to bust this whole thing and my RO confirm will talk about my classroom management..

If there is a remote control like "Click", I will choing for it man...

The need for postive thoughts..

I HATE Tue- Fri though they are the lightest of my teaching load.. I HATE the feeling of a teacher's aid, the feeling of lethargic, the feeling of worthlessness and the feeling of negative thoughts attacking me everytime. I simply gave up to try to fight back these negative thoughts and doubts.

I really can't wait for next year, for a class of my own, an identity I can belonged, a recognition that I can earn soon..