Life is WoUndErful..

2007-10-22T21:50:00.000+08:00

Is teaching for me?

Been feeling lost ever since I stepped into the education service.. Now and then, feelings of pessimism will wrapped me up, sometimes so tightly that I can't breathe. There is no particular reason that I can pinned down to. And this is what scares me so much.. I fear that I can't teach well, can't interact well with my colleagues, can't meet the school's expectations but nothing beats my worst fear; QUITTING. I really love my job but only one aspect: my children. Nothing is as fulfilling as seeing an unhappy child smiling at my goofy jokes, seeing an unmotivated child finally working for a goal after my incessant nagging... The link to a child, that reach to a child's heart is as close to heaven. But Im so afraid I will lose this passion, this battle to my fears.
I wished someone would understand, someone would look beyond the mask I wear everyday to work and tell me how I should "go". I really envy those colleagues who are so happy and contented in their jobs. I wish I coud find my contentment soon.. I really hope so..

2007-03-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

Being forthright..

This post is inspired by a course that I just attended. I didn't know there was a structure to proper "blogging". haha..everytime I am just blindly venting my opinions and raging emotions.

Well, obviously the rumours haven't quite come to an end. But Im glad I wasn't ostracised (right spelling?) in the end. One painful journey and many precious lessons. I wished I could change their perceptions but how can it be possible? To beat the grapevine? Nah..that would be harder than climbing Mt. Everest.

One lesson that I learnt was of course my frank and "loud" character. Am I too frank to the extent of being blunt? Have I come across as Miss arrogance? I really wished I could shout all these questions to get an honest reply from all these colleagues of mine. But who dare or will tell me the truth? I wished I was less frank too. But I just can't help it at times.. This is ME. I don't know how to change or will this change be noticed by these colleagues? But if I don't, I may continue step on other people's toes and that is definitely the last thing that I want.

I'm trying not to let all these comments to "hurt" me but really, colleagues relations are really problematic and important. Although they aren't important in my life, I see them more than my own parents. Goodness Gracious me! How does that sounds? Work is so much in my life that it is creeping slowly into dominating my whole life!! TIme for a change!

2006-09-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

Wedding Countdown!!

My Big day is finally coming!! How I wish I have an extra extra extra large loud hailer to announce to the whole wide world! I feel like the most lucky and loved gal in the world!! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

oK, I know I sound crazy but I really want to share my joy with everyone in this globe!! Today is GUO DA LI and though I still need to work b4 I could rush home, I still can't contain my excitment... heehee.. Everyone is coming to congratualate me!!

Knowing Himself is definitely the best cupid arrow ever shoot to me, the best opportunity in my life. It's like God made Himself for me.. Keke.. Never in my life I've felt so loved, fulfilled and blissful. I feel that nothing could harm me, hurt me anymore with Himself.. Yes, definitely my knight in shining amour.. Haha..

I'm going to sleep tonight with a goofy, contented smile.. YEs, envy me for I am indeed the luckiest woman in the whole world!!

2006-09-19T16:03:00.000+08:00

My Pensieve time...

It's time to whish out my tots again...I shall start w my all-time student 1st..Yes, today he didn't take his medicine again.. But its much worse as he was very cruel to his fellow classmate..It definitely put me off coz it reflects a very ugly side of him.. n somemore he goes to church regularly! God knows what he has been learning there..it really amazes me how selfish, spoilt, stubborn he can be just to seek for attention, fun and power.. I've been cracking my head how to "help" him to know this BIG BIG problem when he is an adult but till date, I have really no idea..
I think the only way is to let him go through the hard ways and learn..

On the other hand, dayz with 6-05 is getting better and more exciting each day. Our rapport is getting good.. Really happy to see them smiling each time..

2006-09-14T10:32:00.000+08:00

^^P6-05^^
Yesterday's ordeal is over...WHew! If any of 6-05 pple is reading, THANK YOU VERY MUCH..
I am both surprised and happy of how the whole lesson turned out...

On a more private note, this class will eventually shaped my teaching perceptions, expectations and desires for the coming T dayz.. I don't teach them most of the time but that 3 periods per week has a great impact on me. Hence I became a firm believer in not how much times im with the kidz but rather how i teach and do as a T.

2006-09-13T07:21:00.000+08:00

Lesson Observation..OOPS!

Today is the day to declare me as a nervous wreck.. Can't sleep the whole night, kept thinking the best way to keep Mr. DT occupied so that he won't wreck my lesson ob.. SIGH... But I know Im going to bust this whole thing and my RO confirm will talk about my classroom management..

If there is a remote control like "Click", I will choing for it man...

2006-09-12T08:41:00.000+08:00

The need for postive thoughts..

I HATE Tue- Fri though they are the lightest of my teaching load.. I HATE the feeling of a teacher's aid, the feeling of lethargic, the feeling of worthlessness and the feeling of negative thoughts attacking me everytime. I simply gave up to try to fight back these negative thoughts and doubts.

I really can't wait for next year, for a class of my own, an identity I can belonged, a recognition that I can earn soon..

2006-08-30T22:22:00.001+08:00

Life is afterall a "click:

Juz finish watching Click w Da Shu..long time nv cry like this liao...
Powerful show, it really reflects on s'pore life: catching up with the rat race.
Reminds me not to be a rat but a human! Family & frenz 1st;career 2nd.

Entering into the world of education was meant to reflect the above motto. Alas, it has already proven me wrong within 2 months of service... Yup! What a world record rite?? But it isn't so bad afterall esp like today.. where I stood & renew my pledge to mould my pupils to the best I could, when my P6s today are angels, where I feel belong to the school..

But looking back to some of the S.T, their own family lives r in a mess while they committed all their heart & soul to the school... Sometimes I wonder if they know they need to slow down & re-priortise or they simply had no choice but to continue to climb the ladder up?

Well, I believe its always hard to have the cake & eat it in life.. If you have something, another thing will be taken away from u.

2006-08-30T10:26:00.000+08:00

Happy dayz...

Today is a start of a series of happy n lazy dayz... YEAH, YIPPEE, HOORAY!!! Hahahahahahah..feel like laughing like ten hours..

Today's teachers' day celebration but i feels more like childrens' day...hahaha...the kids are more excited than US.. I think its becoz its the onset of a LONG LONG holidays for some of them.. I do pity my P6s though... Well, at this time I can imagine their hate and frustration for PSLE.. so can't blame them..

Anyway, it's a good day coz they are so HIGH and Happy and everything went really smooth today..

To all "chers" outta there: HAPPY TEACHERS" DAY!! You deserve it...

2006-08-29T15:23:00.000+08:00

Power struggle...

"You suck!"

Sometimes i wonder if Mr D.T is my nemesis from previous life, yet at times i saw so much of me in him. Becoz' of the ME I see in him, I really hope he will change but on the other hand, i think he deserved the most most difficult path of life. He's so spoilt anyway!

I'm happy that I handled the whole thing in the most possible unJo way... which is calm, mature and professional. I don't know how much of my words made sense to Mr D.T but I suspect some must be emotional provoking enuff unless those D.T tears that I see are caused by dust? flu?

What really happens to our brains during teenage times? Has it lose a screw or needs an extra screw? Suddenly, authority becomes a target to challenge, opposite sex are natural enemies, the concept of me, myself and I. Sometimes I really applaud myself to be able to breeze thru' a day with my insufferable P6s.

But then, what would teaching life be without them? Boring, I guess...Heehee...

2006-08-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

Turning point- child to teenager

"No! You just can't do this!" i screamed at the top of my voice. "oops" the little voice in me said. I shouldn't be screaming, shouting nor banging my head or feeling the temptation to bang the head in front of me.

I am suffering from post-handling child-teenager symbrone. Sounds familiar? Any parents outta there? Everyday, i have to reason, bargain, accept all kinds of requests and responses from my P6s.. They are really "powerful" coz my positive energies are being sucked my them slowly with each passing SECONDS. One is already a challenge, imagine 40 of them + demanding parents who never seem to understand the phrase," PLEASE TALK TO YOUR CHILD."

I love my children, really, I do. I believe in each of them and the goodness they will bring to the world. I understand that their irritating behaviour is brought by a couple of factors that they can't control. Culprit no.1 : THEIR "loving" parents. Culprit no. 2: same as above Culprit no. 3: same as above. Hah, i sure it comes no surprise.

But I think at P6, they have the maturity to try and overcome such factors. Afterall, its their life, character and learning. But im not seeing in some of them whom I sincerely prayed for each day.

Perhaps I should go read the book," DUMMIES GUIDE TO HANDLING P6 PUPILS"

2006-08-22T13:08:00.000+08:00

A blogger's block

2006 is actually a year of changes and i decided to take up blogging coz' I really cannot ta han my thoughts anymore.. But i realise facing a computer equally gives me the same problems..

PErhaps i should turn back to "dear diary..." days?? On the other hand, curiosity is burning me. How come I can't blog when I could write 3 full journay entries? Hmm...

Hence I declare I am suffering from BlOGGER"S BLOck!

2006-08-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

"WE are professionals...we are professionals..." today is the 1st day of my BT course and it's all supposed about reflection. But I feel more like a "brainwash" session, to be reboot into a more positive being. Why are we being asked to learn to be positive about the BIG BOSS initiatives and new "projects"? Simply becoz' too of us have quit, too many negative thoughts, too many negative responses...

Just 3 months old, yet i feel I may not be able to stay after 3 years.. I really wished I could do more but the system sometimes feel like a rope tightening over you over and over again. But I know this is my true calling, no job is more satisfying than being a T. Nothing beats seeing the children maximising their potential, their learning. Yet nothing beats the incessant, wilful complains of parents and little recognition of our efforts as a T.

2006-08-02T20:46:00.000+08:00

Helpless + Frustration + Uselessness = Bo Bianz...

Sigh... That seems to be the most common thing that I can only do. My mind has been on sleep mode since June 25 and I am still counting to the day when it can be back to active mode again. Let's see... 14 weeks more...

I really don't want to be defeated by all these overwhelming sick failure feelings but what choice do I have? If I don't pretend to be cheerful and positive, god knows, what other people are talking behind me. God knows, what will happen to my work review.

Welcome to the world of education.... welcome... SIGH..